Monday, May 3, 2010

So here I am. Finally.

I've been The Blond Girl, well, for 44 years - and in the blogsphere for the last 5 years over at "Rants, Raves, and Revelations of the Blond Girl". Today I had to close that blog because our gmail account got hacked. One of my most oft-heard comments was, "It doesn't matter what color you dye your hair, you'll always be The Blond Girl". I think this is true. Blond. Pink. Tulips. Sweet Girl. Champs. Lilacs. Peonies. It's who and what I am.

My lighthearted approach to the observations of life has been sorely abused the last 4 years. I recently realized that I miss the woman I was in 2005; slim, working a job I loved, doing things that seemed important - like writing and beading, spending time with friends. I felt that I had somehow lost all of that. But I realized, only days ago, that I didn't lose that; I lost how I looked at it.

In 2005, when I was at the top of my game writing, life was HARD! I had my 3rd hernia after my gastric bypass and I was fighting the insurance company to pay for my surgery. We had gotten taken by an unscrupulous lender and we were in an ARM mortgage that was getting ready to reset - at the same time that we were still recovering from John having been out of work. I was fighting to keep our house from being foreclosed upon. We were becoming disillusioned with our church and wondering if it was time to move on. And yet, if you were to read my blog at that time, you didn't see that. It was because I chose to focus on the light in our lives, not the darkness.

However, after we moved to Champaign, life got to be so hard. The finances imploded because we weren't working. I missed my job. We didn't have insurance. Then I finally got a good job but had to leave Champs and Sweet Girl for 6.5 months of training. I forgot to focus on the lightness in our lives, and was only able to see the darkness. I was overwhelmed by it and wondered what I needed to do to get back to who I was in 2005.

I realize now that I will never again be the woman I was in 2005 - and frankly, I don't want to be. I've matured. I've gained wisdom (and weight, too, unfortunately!). But what I can get back from 2005 is looking at the lights in my life. So that's how I want to start to write again - from a place of light. The Bible tells us that light overcomes darkness. I'm ready to test that promise. Welcome to Highlights of The Blond Girl.

P.S. It doesn't look like much now, but Geekwif is working on a new template for me. I love that woman!


utenzi said...

I had no idea that y'all were under that much stress. It's a wonder your family was able to persevere. I sure hope that things continue to improve, BG.

David said...

welcome back