Sunday, August 23, 2009

USA IPO creates opportunity - and interest - in the trading sector

Our company has a feature in a weekly newsletter called "The Leek". It is a takeoff on The Onion. Working with equities gives me a bit of a different view of our world. With that world view in mind, I wrote a satirical piece on the government and the stock market for The Leek and submitted it. We'll see if it runs there. But this is my page and my writing, so I will run it here. This is fictional satire! Remember that: FICTIONAL :-)


USA IPO creates opportunity - and interest - in the trading sector

In an unprecedented move to capitalize on raising economic optimism, increase investor confidence, and end the recession, the US Government announced on Tuesday that it is going public. Stock, that is, trading under the ticker USA. With an initial public offering of 500 million shares expected to be priced in the range of $22.00 - $23.00 per share, the government hopes to raise enough cash to continue funding economic stimulus packages while reducing the national debt. The bill was presented to the house and senate on Monday morning, discussed at noon, and voted into law shortly after 3:00 p.m. Majority Leader Larry Read (D-NV) was quoted as saying, "The bill passed soundly. Then we went to lunch."

While investors are looking forward to the offering, a Gallop Poll completed today indicates there is some concern among citizens wondering if the IPO will be in the best interest of the government. "Yes, this is a bold plan, but we expect it to be highly successful", stated White House Press Secretary Robert Dibs, "the plan here is to price USA in such a way that the average citizen can purchase their own piece of the government. This will allow us to use the money from the people, for the people. It's all very constitional-ish".

The IPO, which is expected to take place next Wednesday, has already garnered excitement in trading circles. Ameriprise Financial, Merrill Lynch and TD Ameritrade have all reported taking hundreds of questions and advanced orders for the stock.. Ameriprise, at least, has stood by it's business practice of non participation in IPOs. "However, as soon as USA is trading on the NASDAQ and third markets, we will be accepting orders", Ameriprise stated in a press release. Interest in the IPO is not limited to American investors. China's Prime Minister When Tiabao has already stated that he plans on buying "at least 20,000 shares of USA", indicating willingness on China's part to help relieve some of the foreign gross national debt currently facing the government.

Questions still remain about the IPO, particularly the formation of a board of directors, the possibility of a hostile takeover by an investor with a greater than 51% ownership, if OFAC-listed nationals will be allowed to purchase shares of USA, as well as concerns for stockholder meeting locations. Without providing particulars, Dibs pointed out that all these questions will be answered prior to the IPO next week, stating, "We're moving fast, but we're moving confidently."

Here's the comments from this post:
AussiePomm (Bernie) said...
Interesting read... I might invest it it!!! lol lol lol
Netchick sent me over to see the proposal you put up!

Star said...
That could run in the Onion !

Emme Rogers said...
Too funny! I especially love how you needed to emphasize that it was Fictional. I write a fictional blog about me (whose also fictional) and people are forever thinking all those things are happening to my writer (the poor girl, I'm constantly getting her into trouble).
By the way, also love all the crazy names you have for people. Glad I wandered over here from NetChick.
Have a great Sunday!

Paul Nichols said...
Hey there! Great to see you again! Thank you for stopping by my joint. I didn't see your post until a short while ago.
And this was a great write. I can't really see much difference between what you just wrote and the spin the "doctors" put on everything. Are you sure it isn't fiction? Nevertheless, it's good.
Sad about Diesel. Sorry. Have you had any new opportunities? Have you ever thought about adopting a greyhound? What great dogs! They love kids.

MissMeliss said...
Hah! Fabulous. And so good to hear from you again.